When I wake up in the morning I’m exhausted. When I go to bed at night I’m exhausted. I don’t wake up in the morning refreshed and energized. I wake up tired and groggy. I wake up thinking of the 15 things I need to get done before I leave the house. I’m moving sluggishly to the bathroom to take my shower going through the interview questions I must ask the families I speak with during the day. Dragging my feet as I try to remember if I submitted the check for Derek’s after school program and made Charlee’s flu shot appointment. I’m thinking about all the children I will assess and brainstorming ways to make them feel more comfortable. I’m questioning whether or not my son is going to like the lunch I will pack for him and if he doesn’t how will he focus in class with an empty stomach.
As I exit the shower I’m swiftly moving to get dressed and then heading downstairs to make the kids' breakfast (simultaneously packing lunches). Does Charlee have her blankets? Check. Do the kids have their water bottles? Check. Does Derek have the note for the nurse. Check.
"Hey, Charlee. It’s time to get up, boo boo."
"I’m still sleepy, Mommy."
"I know, Bugs but it’s time for school." (Pajamas off. School clothes on. Crap. I didn’t do your hair last night).
"Okay, Charlee I need to brush your hair for school."
(Screaming. Crying. Hair is done).
"Hey, D! Are you dressed?"
"Yes, mom I’m dressed."
"Does Rocket have fresh water in her bottle?"
"Ugh. I completely forgot." (Runs to fill hamster bottle with fresh water).
Laptop, purse, jacket. Shoes- wait I don’t have on any shoes.
"Head outside, please."
"Get in the car."
I say all this to say... our mornings and days can feel overwhelmingly exhausting. Thousands of thoughts may be constantly swirling through our heads.
Is this done? Is that done? Are they good? Do they have what they need?
I get it. I live it every day. But I need to constantly remind myself that I deserve grace.
Take a moment to slow down. Take a deep breath. Make mistakes and don't beat ourselves up about them. Feel bad, but don't get stuck there. We can't let our current or temporary feelings change the truth of who we are.
I may not have it all together, but I realize that's okay. Grace is allowing me not to feel trapped in my feelings of not getting it right every time. Grace is helping me gain some freedom.